I used to often wonder, “why was I a diabetic”? Out of all the people in the world, why was I selected?
As a six year old, I would often have conversations with God in my bed at night. These conversations would get pretty intense following “rough” days with diabetes. Sometimes there would be tears, and other times just lots of questions? Why me? Why now? Why? Why? Why?
Fear and anger (an intertwined emotion) was behind my outbreaks toward God. I felt like I was being punished. No answers ever came to me during those conversations. But something inside of me persisted, and I kept moving forward. I guess deep down, part of me trusted that it would be okay. I would survive and perhaps one day understand. Diabetes was not leaving me.
Go forward 36 years. I still have many conversations with God. And I have never gotten any direct answers about why I was “given” diabetes. But, I truly believe that diabetes was given to me as a gift. God chose me because he felt I could handle the disease. My life was meant to have diabetes directly in it every single day. And to be honest, diabetes has been a blessing in disguise.
Having diabetes has taught me so much about myself and my health. It has forced me to be brave, courageous, and fearless. Life comes with so many surprises and challenges, and diabetes adds another dimension.
Yes, there are moments and days when I want to exchange my gift of diabetes. When I have had enough. Days where my bloodsugars are unexplainably high or low. Days when my pump malfunctions. Nights when I wake up in a deep sweat from a low.
But, this gift is not refundable or exchangeable. It was specifically designed and given to me. Diabetes is here to stay…
I cannot imagine life without diabetes!
Be proud of your diabetes. Accept and respect the gift of diabetes.
Have a wonderful day!