What Now? Change is Scary.

Posted on May 15, 2011


So…what now?  My stomach is bloated again today, it is pouring rain outside, and I am having a hard time getting motivated to do much of anything.  

I did go for a run this morning and then went grocery shopping (which I actually love doing).  But what now? 

There are lots of things on my “to do list”.  Just when I have lots of items scratched off on the list, I start adding new ones.  So the list is never ending.  But, I don’t feel like cleaning, sorting through clothes, doing laundry, or organizing the attic (probably a week long project).  Nah…

I feel like writing,  and you all get to be subjected to whatever flies out of my head. 

The end of last week really shook my world.  Undergoing tests to see if I had a serious complication of diabetes (gastroparesis) woke me up.  Not that I was sleeping, but I was napping. 

It is hard to ignore diabetes.  In order to keep up with all the kids and school activities,  I spend lots of time checking my blood sugar (10 times a day), exercising (staying fit and heart healthy), and meditating (relaxing my body, mind, and spirit).  And then I squeeze in everything else. 

But what I failed to realize is that I need to make more time for “me”.  A lot of my time is going towards my diabetes (which is part of me), my family, kids’ school, and all the after school activities (sports, playdates, girl scouts, etc.).   I have chosen to do all this.  No one has made me. 

The last few days, however,  I feel like there needs to be more time for me.  I don’t want to be on my death bed and think “why didn’t I do or try this?”  And having gone through all the gastroparesis craziness last week, I realize that life is short.  I am almost 42 years old.  This is the prime of my life. 

Let’s get to it.  Is it selfish to want more time for me?  Shift the focus a little bit? 

That statement made me uneasy.  Perhaps because I have given so much to others and focusing on me seems foreign?  But it should not be. 

My life is going to change.  I have taken such good care of my diabetes so I could live a long and abundant life.  When I say abundant, I don’t mean just money. I mean a fulfilling and purposeful life.  A life abundant with love, relationships, fulfillment, happiness, and heck, why not some money too. 

So I ask myself, what do I want to do?  What would make me happy yet still give me the freedom to spend time with my family which I treasure. 

Ever since I can remember, I wanted to help people.  I was going to be an endocrinologist (age 9), a psychologist (age 12), a social worker (age 21), and then a life coach (age 30).  I did work as a  counselor for awhile (I have a masters in counseling), and then I got sucked up into the pharmaceutical marketing and advertising world. 

Working in advertising and marketing was a lot of fun.  The part I loved best was the people.  Connecting and relating to people was my forte.  After having my kids, the hours and travel got to be too much.  So I stepped down and have been a stay at home mom for the past few years.   Spending lots of time with my kids has been amazing. I will never regret this decision.

But now I am ready to embark on a career.  A career where I can embrace my passions – diabetes, exercise/nutrition (wellness) and people. 

Is diabetes really a passion?  Actually, I think it is.  I enjoy learning about the disease and taking steps every single day to keep my diabetes well controlled.  Yes, it is challenging at times, but I like a good challenge. 

Wellness.  If you have been reading my blogs and tweets, you know exercise is a big part of my life.  Running, spinning, lifting weights, walking, and any other type of exercise is wonderful.  I get a natural high from working out.  There is nothing like a hard run or bike ride.  Throw in some healthy cooking and eating, and I am good to go.  I often find myself giving advice to friends and family. 

And people.  I love helping people.  I find it very rewarding.  So perhaps I need to mesh all three – diabetes, wellness, and people.  And what do I get?  A personal trainer for diabetics?  A wellness coach for diabetics?  An inspirational speaker?  Hmmmmm…..

What’s funny, is that the ideas seems so right.  I don’t get nervous or afraid.  I connect to them.  Like this is what I am suppose to do next with my life.  Maybe on a local level and national level via the internet. 

You are probably wondering where I am going with all this.  Why am I even sharing this information? 

I wanted to share it because I believe we all go through periods in our lives, diabetic or not, where we question what we are doing?  Where we are going? 

I had been on the fence about what to do with my professional life.  Go back into marketing/advertising?  Get my PhD?  Consider sports medicine? 

Change can turn us upside down

Lots of choices are out there.  So easy to put it on the back burner and worry about it another time.  Change can be scary.  We may feel like we have been turned upside down.  But then I recall all the scary things I have gone through with diabetes.  Has that stopped me from moving forward?  Absolutely not.  If anything, it ignited a fire under me and propelled me forward even faster. 

This past episode with my diabetes is no different.  I still do not have answers to my GI issues, but I truly believe it is food related.  Keeping a food diary is key right now.  And following up with the doctors.  A fire has been set under me though.  Time is not to waste. 

Overall, I am a  healthy diabetic.  And I want to use my good health (body, mind, and spirit) to help other people claim their wellness.  Inspire them.  And why not focus on diabetics and their families?  Everyone needs to take care of themselves, but for diabetics it is even more pertinent and challenging. 

If we want to live our dreams and follow our passions, we need to be healthy.  Let it start now.  Wellness to all diabetics!

Have a healthy day!  And I will let you know what transpires.