21 Funfetti cupcakes sit in front of me. Yet, amazingly enough, I do not have the urge to start eating one. They are pretty with the glistening white frosting and colorful sprinkles on top. Yet, I choose to eat Cheerios instead (it is 5 am).
Yesterday afternoon was a different story. My daughters wanted to make cupcakes for a friend’s birthday. Sounded like fun to me. We love to bake together. Usually, I modify recipes, and we create something half way healthy for all of us.
But yesterday was different. I let them choose what they wanted to make. And after only a few seconds in the baking aisle, they chose Funfetti cupcakes with the Funfetti frosting. I must admit, they did look good and fun. Happy cupcakes.
As soon as we put the box of cake mix and the tub of frosting in the cart, the girls started asking “when are we going to make the cupcakes.” “Soon” was my response. I have learned that if I give a specific amount of time they hold me to it now. They have figured out how to tell time and “in a minute” is not 5 minutes or 10 minutes. It is a minute.
Pulling into the driveway, I could feel the excitement building. We were home. Almost in the kitchen. Time to bake.
And bake we did.
While reading the cupcake directions, I decided to turn the box over and subject myself to the ingredients and nutritional information. I knew they were not “healthy”, and I was not expecting that by any means. But 2 g of trans fat? An overwhelming amoung of sugar. Yikes. We could have made the egg whites version to reduce the fat, but no.
Too late now. We were moving forward. Full fat. Full sugar. Let’s go.
I decided to munch on some almonds and drink a Coke Zero as we stirred and mixed and shared stories. I really, really, really tried to overcome the temptation of trans fat and sugar and yummy delicious cupcake batter, but I could not do it.
At least I did not double dip. The cupcakes were for friends so I scooped some in a separate bowl for the girls and I to share. It was so good. Cupcake batter. Yum.
I did not even feel guilty. I savored the taste of cupcake batter and sharing the fun experience with my daughters. We giggled and got high off of the sugar and life in that moment. It was one of those magical times. Like an ad you would see on television.
Something inside of me said “just do it”. No, not go for a run in a pair of Nikes’ (their old slogan). Rather, indulge in a delicious treat. Live your life with cupcakes in tow.
So, I did.
I compensated with a bolus and raised my basal a bit knowing the high fat would show up later.
Was it “smart” to be eating uncooked cupcake batter with raw eggs? Loaded with trans fat and sugar?
Of course not. But smart was not a consideration. Fun. Delicious. Fun. Tempation. Fun. Moment in life with my kids was prevalent.
And it got even better. While the cupcakes were baking, I opened the Funfetti frosting. Oh yeah. I scooped some into a small bowl for the three of us to try. We had to make sure it tasted okay before putting it on the cupcakes (which still needed to bake and cool).
The frosting met our standards. Creamy. Rich. Yep, it was good.
A couple spoonful laters, I bolused again. Whew.
Amazingly, my blood sugars never spiked from the batter and frosting. And by no means, would I advocate eating a whole bowl of batter or tub of frosting. Please do not do that. No one should do that. Just sample.
You can see that I did not hesitate to sample. Provide myself with a little treat. Not something I do every day. Usually, I am a pretty healthy eater.
I did not hesitate, and I loved every minute of our cooking journey, but I still felt a little guilt. Was I living up to my own expectations? What were my expectations? To have fun with my kids doing an activity we all love? To eat low sugar, low fat/healthy fat? To keep my blood sugars under control? To be a “good” diabetic?
What did I truly want and need in that given moment? Apparently, I needed bonding time with my daughters and a bunch of fat and sugar to go along with it.
That is okay. Diabetes and all. It is okay.
I reiterate this to myself, because sometimes I set my own standards too high. I want to live a healthy life with diabetes – eating nutritiously, exercising, resting, etc. But part of living a healthy life is, also, experiencing life. Eating cupcake batter. Licking frosting off a spoon. Playing with my kids. Living life. Realizing that I am not going to be a perfect diabetic. I am a human being. Who likes cupcakes. And I just happen to be diabetic.
To be honest, Funfetti cupcakes and frosting are not healthy for anyone – diabetic or not. We don’t bake them and eat them because they are healthy. We do it because they are delicious, and we all need to savor the joy of baking and eating yummy treats every now and again.
So cupcakes it was for dinner last night. And as I look at the left over, 21 beautifully frosted cupcakes sitting in front of me, I smile.
Life is sweet. And this diabetic loves it.