Losing Control

Posted on August 8, 2012


I woke up at 2 am feeling nauseous and flu like.  Oh no.  Was I getting sick? 

Oh no.  My intuition was to check my bloodsugar.  Test, test, test.

I found my purse, pulled out my phone (needed the flashlight on it) and located my blood machine.  I did all this in the dark of the night without getting out of my bed.  Pretty good, huh?  I can laugh about it now. 

Not then.  My energy was so low.  I did not want to move. 

A minute or so later,  the results were in.  My bloodsugar was 365.  Yikes!  No wonder I felt so bad.  365!  What the ….?

I was gonna have to get out of bed.  Give a correction shot of insulin and then change out my insulin pump and site.  Ughhh…

I already felt so bad and the thought of getting up made me more nauseous.  I did not want to get up.  But I had to.  No choice.  I had to take action.

So I climbed (no crawled) out of bed and went downstairs to take care of matters.  Hopefully, there was nothing seriously wrong with my insulin pump.  Hopefully there was just something wrong with the site or an air bubble in the tubing.  Nothing major right?

At times like this, I disliked my diabetes, my pump, my….I felt frustrated because I did not know the cause of the high bloodsugar.  Why?  I just knew that I felt horrible and wanted the insulin to kick in quickly. 

For a few moments (more like minutes) I felt out of control.  I had done everything in my power to maintain a stable bloodsugar, and something had malfunctioned.  Why?  When?  How?  I wanted answers.  Prevention.

There was no going back.  What had happened was a done deal. Yet, I could change the current circumstances.  I could give myself a shot of insulin and change out my pump.  And trust that in a bit of time, I would start to feel better.  Like myself again.  A diabetic in control. That is all I could do.

The control had been lost while sleeping, but thankfully, I woke up and gained it back.  I was in control again.  I was taking action.  Control was not lost.  It was mine.

After giving a shot and changing out my pump set, I went and sat down in front of the television to take my mind off my bloodsugar and sick feeling.  Every now and again I feared the high bloodsugar had caused some damage.  But I let it go.  What could I do about the past?  Absolutely nothing.  It was not my fault. 

An hour later, I felt much better.  I was able to go back to sleep.  And dream about insulin pumps.  Ahhhhh….

Don’t let diabetes steal your sense of control.  You are in charge of your life.  Yes, “things” are going to happen.  The unexplainable and/or unexpected.  Some diabetes related, some not.  But, “things” can be rectified.  Diabetes and all! 

Take care of yourself.  Don’t let the ups and downs of diabetes steal your control.  Stay in charge.  Live a great life with diabetes.  Even at 2 am in the morning.


Totally Diabetic

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