Persevering on “bad” days

Posted on March 25, 2013

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“Bad”. Probably should not use that word.  I try to use “challenging” so it does not sound so negative.  But today, I want to use “bad”.  Just one of those days.  One thing after another.  Some things diabetes related.  Some not.

So what to do?  Wait…

You are probably wondering what is so “bad”.  Let me share the day.  It really could have been a lot worse.  Tons worse.  It is all perspective.  All how we respond to what is happening in our lives.  I did  not get much sleep last night, and I am sure that is part of the problem.  Anyways…let me share.  Or shall I say…vent…

Woke up this morning, and my blood sugar was high – 209.  I feel tired and cranky when I get above 160.  So trying to get up and motivated to run is harder on “high” mornings.  Yet, I know a run quickly brings my blood sugar down and sets the pace for the rest of the day.  I love running.  It is my “me” time.  Believe it or not, running relaxes me and puts me in a really good mood.

So I went for a run in the snow flurries and cold weather.  When will Spring arrive?  We are 20 degrees below the norm.  Heck, I am ready for Summer.  Let’s just skip Spring.

Returned home from running and had to get my pajama clothed kids excited about going to work for me.  Just for 3 hours.  3 hours. 3 hours.

They were zoned out in front of the television and did not want to go to work with me.  But it was not an option.  There was no school today.  3 hours.  3 hours.  3 hours.

An hour later (after much ado), we were all dressed, fed, and ready to go.  Snacks, drinks, games, books, etc. were packed.  We were in route to my office.   Was it Monday?

An hour into being at my office, I feel like crap.  I can tell when my blood sugar is high.  Ugh!  It was a bit high after running.  I corrected and ate my normal breakfast.  I changed my insulin pump site yesterday.  Hmmm.. I tested, and sure enough I was 280.  Ugh!  I intend to give a shot but after digging around my purse, I realize I had not replaced the bottle of insulin in my purse.  Shoot! 

Well, I needed more time at work.  I did not want to go all the way home.  I decided to do a correction on my pump, praying that it would take.

Meanwhile, my kids were being really good.  Yay!  2 more hours.

My boss wanted to meet, and we got a lot done. 1 hour left.

With an hour to go, I knew my blood sugar was still high. I tested. 283. I needed to get home. And home we went.

As soon as we got in the door, I gave an insulin shot and changed my pump site.

An hour later, my blood sugar was normal, and I decided to eat some lunch. Ate my usual meal – wheat bread, turkey, and an apple. Sure enough, twenty minutes later, I was bloated. Yuck! Not just bloated. Bloated and distended – 8 months pregnant looking. Uncomfortable. For months (no years), I have been dealing with this bloated and distended stomach issue. I have seen numerous doctors, gone through lots of testing, tried different diets and drugs, etc. No answer has been found. Very frustrating. Still looking for answers online. But no fixes yet. Yet being the key word. Gluten? IBS? Fiber intolerance? Geez…

An hour after eating, I felt like my blood sugar was high again. What the heck? What the hell?

I test, and sure enough, I am 312. Yikes. I feel nauseous and tired. This sucks.

Is my pump malfunctioning? Insulin no good? Battery not working? I decide to change everything – pump site, battery, and bottle of insulin. Let’s hope this works. High blood sugars make me so tired. My kids are home today. Please work.

My body and environment wants to be stubborn and has a mind of it’s own today. And even though I tend to be a bit of a control freak, sometimes, I need to let go and accept that this is how it is going to be right now (not forever). Not always easy to do – persevering and letting go. But I move forward. Do what I can. And try to let go of all the emotions and feelings wrapped up in it.

Distractions. I decide to try a new probiotic and peppermint capsules for my stomach. Why not? Nothing to lose.

I rent a movie with my kids to take my mind off everything. And then I decide to write this post.

Whew! Venting feels good. It has been one of those days. And tomorrow is a new day.

And I know it could be a lot worse. And I am so thankful for all that I have and don’t have (i.e. diabetes complications) in my life.

We all have these types of days.

I am feeling better now. Venting helped. My blood sugar is 168. And my stomach….let’s not go there.

But I will take what I can get.

Moving forward and never giving up. One moment at a time. One day at a time.

Have a good night all!

And always persevere and let go!

Michele Brown
Totally Diabetic

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